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[Thursday
May
26th, 2005 at 10:06pm] |
people i am going to propose to tomorrow
1. david
2. joe
3. manuel
4. john
5. ryan
6. angie
7. ryaen
8. ummm, crap, i guess, just, whoever else come along and i feel like i love.
-me-
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[Wednesday
May
18th, 2005 at 8:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 jubilant |
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| [ |
music |
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the faint - how could i forget |
] |
......reasons to have hope.....
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| ...at least be human... |
[Tuesday
March
22nd, 2005 at 12:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 rejected |
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...i thought i was getting over him...but i still got a horrible feeling of jealousy when i read someone calling him sweetie...its kinda the same thing...him liking someone before even meeting them...maybe he does this often...maybe i was just another of many...i dont know...i try not to care anymore...senseless aching...i wish someone would feel this way about me...
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| ......help me........ |
[Sunday
March
20th, 2005 at 4:21pm] |
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....i wish there was some way for me to make myself let go.....but - i think that maybe - i finally have realized that i cant make him care about me....im starting to think that he hurts me just so he can hear me beg for him, and tell him how much i love him....maybe that makes him feel good about himself...i dont know....i really hope i can leave him alone...im really fucking myself up just by knowing him....
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[Monday
March
14th, 2005 at 6:04pm] |
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....nothing left to live for............
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| year zero...not the hero....is anybody alive.... |
[Sunday
March
13th, 2005 at 4:52pm] |
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well, i guess im in a shitty enough mood to use this thing........trevor is pissed at me, and mike is always going to be pissed at me.........hmmmmmmm....what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life? am i just going to always end up hurting the people that mean most to me.....everytime i get close to someone....i fuck things up......people never tell me what im doing wrong, so i just end up making things bad....how am i supposed to know....eh, im going to stop making my mind leak....
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[Sunday
March
13th, 2005 at 4:34pm] |
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what fucking void am i trying to fill.....
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[Saturday
March
12th, 2005 at 3:15pm] |
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i want to slaughter them all....i hate this life, fuck the people in it.......
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| inhaling thrills through 20 dollar bills.... |
[Wednesday
March
9th, 2005 at 8:01pm] |
once again, michael isn't speaking to me, maybe - this is the end....of a very painful relationship, that i always thought was worth it....ive been, eh, i dont know - this john fellow, i guess ive kinda been like, i dont know, i guess we like eachother, and mikes not around anymore, and ive been doing my best to focus on john so that im not begging mike to talk to me all the time, im sure hes tired of me by now, i always crawl back to him......john came home with me today.....i dont even know....we just sat on my bed not saying anything.....i started crying the second i turned around to walk away....i guess, i dont know, i do like him, but i guess i kinda wanted him to take michaels place, but i knew i would never do to anyone again what i did to mike, so i thought that i could start a new relationship, without someone who is bitter as hell to me.....and i just realized the whole time i was with him that its just not the same.....i want michael back......but i dont even know how to get him to listen to what i have to say, and i dont know what the fuck i could say to him to make him understand....this ongoing thing is so....i dont know.....theres like, nothing left of me....ive been used up and now i dont know what to do with myself, who to turn to, who to trust....i just want to go to sleep and wake up without knowing all of this.....its just too much to have on my mind....i cant deal anymore......oh my fucking god - .........................................
...please....
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[Tuesday
March
8th, 2005 at 9:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
...another gun onto my temple.....i really want to go back to my books.....im getting really fucking sick of people already. . . being alone is always the most comforting thing....
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[Monday
March
7th, 2005 at 8:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relieved |
] |
so, i talked to don today, and he is well, which now takes alot of things off my mind. ive been mega worried about him......im trying to make it so that we'll be at the same high school next year. i mish him, i had been in school with him since i moved here until gaywinds happened. im outie.
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| the best things in life drive her to cry.... |
[Friday
March
4th, 2005 at 9:23pm] |
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so, thats it i guess.....because of what eric did to me, the relationship is over???.........i dont even know what to say to him anymore, ive used all my tricks, ive tried so hard to get him to understand the way i feel, but - all in vain.....so im moving on.......and i think im finally beginning to think that hes just fucked up, and just because i made the mistake of cheating on him doesn't make everything my fault, ive changed, i know i have, and that she be good enough for myself, i can do without him....i think......
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| another gun onto my temple.... |
[Sunday
February
27th, 2005 at 6:42pm] |
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i cant even describe it......this feeling that everything that i do is wrong....fuck him....i just want it to be over with....i hate him.....trying to make this work is becoming more and more self-destructive.....i just want to shove the whole thing into the back of my mind....it doesn't even matter to me anymore.....fuck him....every act i make does something bad....im over this, trying so hard to make him happy, its not going to happen, hes a stupid depressed emo cunt, im fucking through trying to fix him, hes not my fucking responsibility, and im not fucking going to let him make me feel like shit anymore. fuck it.....fuck him.
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[Tuesday
February
22nd, 2005 at 5:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
maybe im just being a bitch, but i realized today that im sick of feeling like people use me....fucking.....eric, ive known him since sixth grade and it seems like all he does is sponge off of me, with no gratitude....i dont know, i just hate this feeling of being used and dried up....
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[Sunday
February
13th, 2005 at 7:39pm] |
....listening to the ring and whispering please.....
.....and where are my beloved friends now.....
....i hate this place....
....the first time ive wanted that piece of metal in a long time.....of course hes the cause....
....images in my head.....begging to be done......
....i dont want another mistake.....if i do it this time.....theres not going to be an after....
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[Sunday
February
13th, 2005 at 7:15pm] |
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....if only that were true....if only i could stick to the words that im done with him....i dont want to deal with him anymore....but i always crawl back.....
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[Saturday
February
12th, 2005 at 11:13am] |
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ha ha ha, im downloading ashlee simpson....i can have some weird taste in music
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[Monday
January
31st, 2005 at 5:36pm] |
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ive been reading cory's stuff lately....hes a good writer, makes me jealous, i wish i could write, express my feelings, instead a sharp object finds its way to my skin and i end up on cold floors crying and bleeding....
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[Sunday
January
30th, 2005 at 1:17pm] |
you're supposed to update these things, aren't you....eh, well....lets see - i saw mike the other day, that was nice. eh, i met this new guy cory, hes uber cool.....umm, i went to dianas fifteenth birthday....i had to dress up....didn't like iit much....eh, i re-did mikes journal, i think i like it more than mine....and, eh, i think thats all i have to say, oh, and, i miss donald, haven't talked to him or seen him.....
-me-
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